I woke up this morning and began cleaning the house. After a conversation I had with my husband a couple of days of ago I realized that this was the least I could do. During this conversation I realized that not only was I lying to myself about who I was but I had not really taken the time to look at what my actions really reflected in my character. So yesterday and today have been that time. Now many times before have I done this, taken a look at who I was and what I believed in but this time after hearing my husband call me sorry just as the women of this generation are sorry this time would be a reflection on my purpose and deal solely with my actions not my words because words can be decieving and cunning and can alter the truth for what it is. He looks at me as a woman in comparision to his mother who raised 13 children, cleaned the house, and cooked three meals a day. To him I looked like a weak, sorry and poor excuse for a black woman, which is how I felt. The truth is. I knew I was sorry but it was finallly brought right in front of me in such away that I could not deny it. At that moment I had to stop avoiding the truth and deal with it “head on”. Right then a weight was lifted off my heart and my soul. Finally someone did not compromise for me to make me comfortable, I am sure it was hard for him to say to me that he thought I was sorry but he still had to do it because if he didn’t I would still be living in the delusion that I am a good woman and that I do good work for my family, which I don’t. At the moment I haed to accept that I am a sorry black woman and instead of being the virtuous woman that is spoken of in Proverbs I have been avoiding the responsibility and blaming everyone around me for me not doing was written for us women to do. I don’t clean, I hate to cook forhusband and my family and I am so caught in the material world most of the time I can’t see straight. What kind of woman is this do you say? Well, look around you, we are more common then not in this generation. There is no guarantee that I will change either, but the one thing that is guaranteed is peace of mind. NowAtleast I know what is wrong with me and I can face it head on and deal with the reality of what I am and not live in the delusional world that I am doing what I am suppose to do as a wife, a woman and as a Hebrew and dealing in truth is the most important thing in this life we are living. If you don’t know how to deal with reality how can you become the spirit Yahweh has put inside you? The answer is you can’t. You can not fake truth or acceptance, you can only live it. The truth will always come out no matter what what world you live in the real world or your delusional one. Which world do you want to live in?
Kristin
Tell me what you think? Have you taken anytime in your life to think about how you got where you are? If so, what was your conclusion. If not, why are you afraid of what you see when you look in your pass(past)?
Kristin
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